It’s been three months since I last blogged, and I suppose your all wondering why. It’s not because I didn’t want to, I just didn’t think I had anything to say. But I do. I have a lot to say. More than I thought I did, because I did  not go through six months of absolute hell to walk out the other side of it and crawl under a rock, never to be heard from again. Nope, not at all. I went through six months of hell so I could be something and it would be a damn shame to waste the opportunity I have.

I came out of my dad’s battle with cancer changed. I will never again be the same person I was in July of last year, pre-cancer. Never. I’ve hardened but my edges have softened. My heart is fuller yet more reserved. I cry less but feel pain deeper. I will never hear again the word cancer without thinking of my dad and when his hair fell out and the awful chemo unit and the look on my mom’s face when she told me dad was sick. Never. As sad as that sounds, it could be worse. I could forget about it and go back to my life before, and that would be even sadder. That would mean I hadn’t progressed, that would mean I stood still in this ever changing world. And that would be the saddest fact of all.

Everyone rides the roller-coaster of life and sometimes we puke on the loops or we scream when we go drop down a big hill and other times we throw our hands in the air and scream with unhinged joy. Whatever part of the ride your on, the good, the bad, the ugly, try to enjoy it. Life is such a precious thing to waste. So laugh, take trips, stay up too late, make mistakes, fall in love, start a blog, eat too many pancakes,  make friends, do something insane, but do it for life, not for the inevitable death. Because if your always planning for what’s ahead you’ll miss what’s right in front of you, the wondrous present.

I’m not meant to stay the same and neither are you, so live your life with pancakes for breakfast and a happy soul when the sun sets every night. Just remember it’s all for a reason.